The Updraft
by steepedinshadows419
Summary: Post 5x22 - Barry and Iris' struggle to grieve Nora in a healthy way escalates when they discover the changed date of Barry's disappearance. Barry/Iris. Multi-chap.


**A/N:** NEW FIC ALERT!

This fic is based off the 6x01/early s6 spoiler that Barry and Iris will not be dealing with losing Nora in a very healthy way. And from that sprung the idea that one of the ways they deal with her loss is by having hot 'n heavy emotionless sex. In this fic they don't find out Barry is disappearing till four months later. Which is why this fic is 'post 5x22' as opposed to '6x01' at the beginning of my synopsis. I've titled it 'The Updraft' because that's what the winds of an emerging tornado are called. So, this fic will start relatively calm, aside from major grief WA have b/c of losing their daughter, but it won't be in the danger/toxic zone till later down the line. And it will get worse after finding out about Barry disappearing. I hope you enjoy this first chap. I hope to update often as soon as I write up a couple more fics. :)

*****Many thanks to **sendtherain** for beta'ing.

*****I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

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**Chapter 1 -**

_Day One._

The sun filtering through the window beat down on her face, warming her hair and burning her skin. She couldn't remember the last time the sun had felt so hot. She turned to Barry's side of the bed, to complain to him maybe, but he wasn't there. Sitting up slowly and pushing her hair out of her eyes, reaching for a hair tie with one hand as she did so, Iris scanned the room.

"Babe?" she called out.

He didn't peek out of the bathroom or run upstairs. There was no note on her bedside, and his phone was gone. She reached for hers to see if there was a text from him, something explaining his absence, but there was nothing.

"Hmm."

She gnawed on her bottom lip, trying to think if she was making too big of a deal of this or not. Sure, there were times when they missed each other in the morning, too busy to write a note or blow a kiss because something important had come up that demanded their complete attention. Still, something about this morning felt different.

Something different…

She set her phone down. Suddenly she was terrified of talking to Barry on the phone. Would the heartbreak in his voice kill her? Would she break down crying? Would he come home? Did he even care if she was hurting? He hadn't even told her he was leaving. He hadn't kissed her goodbye or whispered good morning. Hell, it felt like she'd lost _him_ instead of Nora.

Her insides froze.

_Nora._ Her daughter. Their daughter.

They would still have their beautiful girl one day, but she wouldn't be the same. They'd find a way to keep Barry from disappearing, so Nora would have her father. She wouldn't resent her mother. They'd be one big happy family. Everything would be different. Iris would love her daughter just as much as she loved the person she'd gotten to know over the past several months.

But she'd never see that version of her daughter again. And that…

That was too much to think about right now.

She climbed out of bed and sorted through her clothes until she found a comfy yet professional look that she was satisfied with. She did her make-up and her hair and headed downstairs to make herself some coffee.

There was no one in the kitchen. She couldn't decide if that relieved or saddened her. She felt cold, almost like ice, and so very in need of Barry holding her. The warmth in his embrace was a paradise, a safe haven - and right now, it was missing.

After breakfast, which consisted of two cups of coffee and half of a banana, Iris resisted the urge to run upstairs to call Barry. She had work to get to, anyway. She couldn't let herself be dragged down by Nora's…

She couldn't let herself fall apart. She hadn't when Barry went into the speed force and she'd thought she'd never see him again. She couldn't do that with Nora now.

"Damn it."

She ran into the bathroom to grab some tissues and blot at her eyes.

"Damn you, Nora." Her breath caught in her throat as guilt flooded through her. "No…not- I didn't mean - I'm so sorry, I-" She fell to the floor, sobbing.

After that, she was incoherent, unable to speak or breathe or move. All she could hear were the cries emerging from her own lips. All she could feel were damp cheeks and the tears running down them, dripping onto her neck and fingers urgently trying to brush them away. She couldn't think any thoughts other than, _Stop crying, Iris. Stop it_.

God, where was Barry?

A knock sounded at the door to the loft during one of her inhales, and she forced herself to be silent.

"Barry?"

A key turned in the lock, and Iris managed to get to her feet and compose herself somewhat before the door slowly opened. Only one other person had a key to hers and Barry's loft – for emergencies.

"Hey, baby girl."

Her voice cracked. "Dad."

And then she was in his arms sobbing, because this was too damn hard. Because she needed her husband. Because everything she was feeling was so beyond her, so hard to understand, and memories were started to fade, and she hated it. Everything was a blur. Everything was nothing without her daughter.

Her husband should _be here_.

"Shouldn't you be-" She tried when she finally found her voice again.

"Barry asked me to check up on you. Said you weren't answering your phone, and he was worried about you."

Well, now she felt terrible.

"Barry…" She swallowed. "Barry said that?"

Her dad's brows furrowed as he rubbed her back soothingly.

"Yeah, baby. Are you okay?" Iris gave him a look. "I mean, besides…that."

_That?_

Iris sighed, putting a lid on her raging emotions. She didn't want to pick a fight.

"I was just thinking things I shouldn't have been thinking." She took a breath. "Left my phone upstairs for the last fifteen minutes or so. I was confused why he left with no warning and started thinking…" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I was wrong."

Joe watched her carefully.

"He loves you, honey."

Iris forced a tight smile. "I know."

"We had a case come in early this morning. Barry stayed longer because Singh wanted to know why… Why Nora West wouldn't be coming in today or-"

"Ever."

Joe was silent.

_It's West-__**Allen**_, Iris wanted to add, but she knew there was no point. The world in later 2018 and 2019 had known Nora as Nora West. No matter how much she and Nora had wanted to scream from the rooftops that Barry was her father.

He still was, even now. And he must be hurting so badly right now, having to explain Nora's absence in a way Singh would understand - if he even remembered her. She started crying again.

"Oh, baby."

Joe rocked his daughter in his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He started to sing as he swayed, lulling her to relax.

"I need Barry," she said quietly when she'd calmed again.

"I know," he said. _He needs you too_.


End file.
